So, I've been leading up to the story of my latest blunder and how this lesson in Altruism slapped me upside my thick head.
As I stated previously, my profile on a networking site is getting a LOT of hits, messages and guestbook signatures. Okay, this is cool, so on a whim, I typed in Dan's name (remember: Drug Addled Narcissist), only at this point, I had NO clue at all how drug addled he really was, yet maybe I just wasn't paying attention? Not to mention he's a textbook narcissist.... oh, that stuff is coming, but there's more to this and it will get better......
I find a duplicate profile for Dan, same high school and now there's a photo, a "story" and messages on his public bulletin board. Hmmm..... and within those messages, he's conversing with someone who is obviously related to him and mentions he's received a new liver.
I can hardly stand myself at this point. I'm honing in on this, "ah, another HVC case- and it's someone I know (yeah, right)!
I email him through the site, no response for a day or so, so I email the person he conversed with- of course, stupid, stupid me never looked at the dates of those entries, which were last year. I send a message to what turns out to be his first cousin, who is also from Albuquerque, same age, yadda yadda..... basically tell her that I'd like to get into contact with him and questioned her about his "new liver", she emails back immediately, only stating that he's been quite ill and will try and get a number for him. Cool.........
A few emails later, she sends me his number. I call it, I get a voice mail, I leave a short message and my phone rings. It's him and I'm my usual, "hi, how are ya, yeah, I'm doing great, married, happy and what's up with this new liver deal?"
In a course of a 5 minute explanation from him about "liver cancer", I tell him about my experience with HepC and the truth comes out. Geez, just how did I know this? So, he proceeds to tell me about his transplant that occurred the same year I was diagnosed and treated (interestingly enough, he's getting a new liver and I'm being diagnosed within a 2 week time frame) and I'm asking him, why haven't you attempted treatment? The excuses are rolling out, from "my family doesn't know I have the disease" to "I know I have to treat, my doctor that did my transplant wanted me to" and all I'm hearing is "I can't do it".
So, I ascertain he's had a transplant, that took place in NYC, he's got 4 grown children, 3 different mothers, never married, recurrent HCV, diabetes, insulin-dependent and he's scared to death of treatment. I'm also learning that he has been living in NYC (where's he's a member of an Orthodox Jewish Community), went to Seattle (where he says he has a daughter and 2 grandchildren) and while he was there, his vehicle, laptop and everything he had with him when he left NYC was stolen from him, so he goes back to Albuquerque, with his youngest son-
Of course, some of us do in fact, return to "home" when things aren't going well in our lives. Even if the environment left us with negative memories, for some reason, some STILL return home. On a side note, I wouldn't return there in a box.
I noted during his calls, which were becoming quite frequent, that he's got a cough, he's complaining of other maladies (gastro-intestinal problems) and I'm just thinking, "it's the HCV and the havoc that is creating". I'm also wondering why a cradle Catholic has converted to Judaism and well, I will say this- after finally seeing him after 34 years, things did start falling into place, but I will add to that later. He's asking me about his cough and chest congestion, I'm suggesting getting some antibiotics, he's asking me about other maladies and I'm telling him, "you need to treat for the HCV".
Then, I start going into my "Pay it Forward" mindset, thinking I can help this human, who is running out of time to treat (transplant patients have a window of 1-5 years to treat for the recurrent HCV) and I'm really encouraging this dude to seek treatment.
Husband and I discuss what I've "found" and the fact that he's sick, needs help and appears to have no help in obtaining treatment, much less the stability/place/support to go through with this. Husband and I agree that we have the means, ie; another home that could be used for him to reside in, I could try and get him to the best clinic on the planet and maybe, just maybe- we could help him. NOT change him, that was never a thought, but help him out for a year, yes. I had learned he was on SSI (disability and medicaid), so I wasn't too concerned about financing this deal- putting a person in our other home isn't going to be that expensive and if he wanted a phone/internet connection, he could pay for it.
The idea is discussed with Dan, who thinks for about 2 seconds and says, "I'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity".
I agree to purchase a plane ticket to get him to an airport 4.5 hours away, he picks the day, the flight and time of departure. So, during the 4 days or so of getting ready for his arrival, I'm still communicating with his cousin, who sends me a warning a day too late:
"My mom (Dan's Aunt) thinks he's still into drugs, because he's going into the house across from hers and they are known drug dealers".
Me, fighting my natural cynicism/skepticism, is convincing myself that "well, maybe he's just visiting there and after all, it is the old neighborhood". Yep, my 48 week treatment with a toxic cocktail did indeed impair my most astute instincts. I truly need to seek help.
Meanwhile, the emails and phone calls are going back and forth- I'm asking more questions, getting vague answers and literally laid out the "deal" as far as what we would offer and what we expected in return:
I get contact numbers for his immediate family, namely his eldest son, whom he states is still in NYC.
During the time frame he's still in Albuquerque, he's emailing me his daughter's number, whom I call and she never returns the call (gee, subtle hint here?), his brother's number, whom I decide I really don't need to call, yet and he's still never given me contact information for his son in NYC, whom he claims has his act together the best, aside from the daughter in Albuquerque, who is graduating from nursing school.
The day before he's scheduled to fly out, he's calling me from Albuquerque, telling me exactly where he's standing, demographically speaking (I'm really starting to think this is getting weird) and that night, he calls and says the "friend" he went to visit fell and broke her hip. And he's still not gotten any antibiotics for his obvious cough and congestion..........
And I'm getting apprehensive, by the minute. I'm still communicating, via phone and email with his cousin and starting to get really worried I've made a huge mistake, I'm telling her what he's telling me and not telling me, his evasiveness, the vague answers, his current "antics" and she's getting really worried that this is a mistake, but the ticket is purchased and I'm dragging my feet getting out the door to drive to get him at the airport.
Next up:
Dan, Dan, the Junkie Man
As I stated previously, my profile on a networking site is getting a LOT of hits, messages and guestbook signatures. Okay, this is cool, so on a whim, I typed in Dan's name (remember: Drug Addled Narcissist), only at this point, I had NO clue at all how drug addled he really was, yet maybe I just wasn't paying attention? Not to mention he's a textbook narcissist.... oh, that stuff is coming, but there's more to this and it will get better......
I find a duplicate profile for Dan, same high school and now there's a photo, a "story" and messages on his public bulletin board. Hmmm..... and within those messages, he's conversing with someone who is obviously related to him and mentions he's received a new liver.
I can hardly stand myself at this point. I'm honing in on this, "ah, another HVC case- and it's someone I know (yeah, right)!
I email him through the site, no response for a day or so, so I email the person he conversed with- of course, stupid, stupid me never looked at the dates of those entries, which were last year. I send a message to what turns out to be his first cousin, who is also from Albuquerque, same age, yadda yadda..... basically tell her that I'd like to get into contact with him and questioned her about his "new liver", she emails back immediately, only stating that he's been quite ill and will try and get a number for him. Cool.........
A few emails later, she sends me his number. I call it, I get a voice mail, I leave a short message and my phone rings. It's him and I'm my usual, "hi, how are ya, yeah, I'm doing great, married, happy and what's up with this new liver deal?"
In a course of a 5 minute explanation from him about "liver cancer", I tell him about my experience with HepC and the truth comes out. Geez, just how did I know this? So, he proceeds to tell me about his transplant that occurred the same year I was diagnosed and treated (interestingly enough, he's getting a new liver and I'm being diagnosed within a 2 week time frame) and I'm asking him, why haven't you attempted treatment? The excuses are rolling out, from "my family doesn't know I have the disease" to "I know I have to treat, my doctor that did my transplant wanted me to" and all I'm hearing is "I can't do it".
So, I ascertain he's had a transplant, that took place in NYC, he's got 4 grown children, 3 different mothers, never married, recurrent HCV, diabetes, insulin-dependent and he's scared to death of treatment. I'm also learning that he has been living in NYC (where's he's a member of an Orthodox Jewish Community), went to Seattle (where he says he has a daughter and 2 grandchildren) and while he was there, his vehicle, laptop and everything he had with him when he left NYC was stolen from him, so he goes back to Albuquerque, with his youngest son-
Of course, some of us do in fact, return to "home" when things aren't going well in our lives. Even if the environment left us with negative memories, for some reason, some STILL return home. On a side note, I wouldn't return there in a box.
I noted during his calls, which were becoming quite frequent, that he's got a cough, he's complaining of other maladies (gastro-intestinal problems) and I'm just thinking, "it's the HCV and the havoc that is creating". I'm also wondering why a cradle Catholic has converted to Judaism and well, I will say this- after finally seeing him after 34 years, things did start falling into place, but I will add to that later. He's asking me about his cough and chest congestion, I'm suggesting getting some antibiotics, he's asking me about other maladies and I'm telling him, "you need to treat for the HCV".
Then, I start going into my "Pay it Forward" mindset, thinking I can help this human, who is running out of time to treat (transplant patients have a window of 1-5 years to treat for the recurrent HCV) and I'm really encouraging this dude to seek treatment.
Husband and I discuss what I've "found" and the fact that he's sick, needs help and appears to have no help in obtaining treatment, much less the stability/place/support to go through with this. Husband and I agree that we have the means, ie; another home that could be used for him to reside in, I could try and get him to the best clinic on the planet and maybe, just maybe- we could help him. NOT change him, that was never a thought, but help him out for a year, yes. I had learned he was on SSI (disability and medicaid), so I wasn't too concerned about financing this deal- putting a person in our other home isn't going to be that expensive and if he wanted a phone/internet connection, he could pay for it.
The idea is discussed with Dan, who thinks for about 2 seconds and says, "I'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity".
I agree to purchase a plane ticket to get him to an airport 4.5 hours away, he picks the day, the flight and time of departure. So, during the 4 days or so of getting ready for his arrival, I'm still communicating with his cousin, who sends me a warning a day too late:
"My mom (Dan's Aunt) thinks he's still into drugs, because he's going into the house across from hers and they are known drug dealers".
Me, fighting my natural cynicism/skepticism, is convincing myself that "well, maybe he's just visiting there and after all, it is the old neighborhood". Yep, my 48 week treatment with a toxic cocktail did indeed impair my most astute instincts. I truly need to seek help.
Meanwhile, the emails and phone calls are going back and forth- I'm asking more questions, getting vague answers and literally laid out the "deal" as far as what we would offer and what we expected in return:
I get contact numbers for his immediate family, namely his eldest son, whom he states is still in NYC.
During the time frame he's still in Albuquerque, he's emailing me his daughter's number, whom I call and she never returns the call (gee, subtle hint here?), his brother's number, whom I decide I really don't need to call, yet and he's still never given me contact information for his son in NYC, whom he claims has his act together the best, aside from the daughter in Albuquerque, who is graduating from nursing school.
The day before he's scheduled to fly out, he's calling me from Albuquerque, telling me exactly where he's standing, demographically speaking (I'm really starting to think this is getting weird) and that night, he calls and says the "friend" he went to visit fell and broke her hip. And he's still not gotten any antibiotics for his obvious cough and congestion..........
And I'm getting apprehensive, by the minute. I'm still communicating, via phone and email with his cousin and starting to get really worried I've made a huge mistake, I'm telling her what he's telling me and not telling me, his evasiveness, the vague answers, his current "antics" and she's getting really worried that this is a mistake, but the ticket is purchased and I'm dragging my feet getting out the door to drive to get him at the airport.
Next up:
Dan, Dan, the Junkie Man
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